Credo

Okay. So if we're going to be honest with each other...

I know that in every life there is a cycle. There is an ebb. There is a flow. Sometimes there is more ebb than we want, or more flow than we can handle. I know that everything comes back around eventually.

I know that there is not always a pretty picture for the things we go through. I know that I will not want a scrapbook page to commemorate every day in my life. I know that it is okay to want to leave things out. I know that there are things I will absolutely not be able to handle in a healthy, rational way. I know that my heaviness is someone else's walk in the park. I know that the beauty and heartbreak of life is that it goes by so incredibly fast.

I am looking forward to a lightness of spirit again. I look forward to being happy in the moment. I look forward to sitting very still for a long time and feeling perfectly content with how things are right then. I look forward to not being afraid of the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. I look forward to not worrying about what people will think, from my mother to my in-laws to the stranger reading this blog. (And I love you all, make no mistake about that. Please know it is not easy for me to let others in to my world, let alone the darkest part of my world.)

I am confident that I am valuable, in and of myself. I am confident that my intentions are and always have been honorable and honest. I am confident that I will land on my feet. I am confident that I can still make wise decisions for myself and for those I love. I am confident that I am love-able, both to give love and receive it.

I am ready to take a step forward. I am ready to consider myself as a good enough reason. I am ready to accept my shortcomings and faults. I am ready be strong for myself and for those I love. I am ready to be an adult, and to let youthful or selfish behaviors be in the past. I am ready to be okay with today's version of myself. I am ready to let it all go.

Thanks for reading. Please don't jump to conclusions. I think there are doubts in everyone's minds, and I think it is a positive thing to confront them and let them be a part of who you are. I am not the sunniest person in the world, and I just want to let everyone know that I am okay with that. I know it's not the most interesting of blog topics, and I don't plan to sit here and let this feeling engulf me. But I haven't blogged in a while because I've been in this place. I figure, if I can't be transparent in my blog, then I must be hiding things in my life. And I'm kind of over that. It's way too hard. And that's that.