Hello world

Owen and I are feeling a bit under the weather today.  So we went to the Morton Arboretum and took it easy.  We had a good time.  Owen is growing so fast and getting so big, it's just unbelievable.  I know I have to etch these moments in my brain because every time I turn around he has changed again. 

I showed Owen how to roll down a hill.  We also played under a couple willow trees for a while.  I tried to show him how to swing from the branches but it really hurt my hands!  My sisters and I used to swing from our neighbor's tree, but I must've been a lot lighter back then or something.  Being out there reminded me of my childhood.  I think if you don't let your mind wander very often you forget those memories that are like a breeze in your mind, or like a particular scent or feeling.  We used to play outside for hours and hours.  Time passing was like Where the Wild Things Are; days and weeks would go by in our make-believe lands.  There was a little stream or creek running behind our house and we built magical castles surrounded by moats to protect our treasures.  I give it to our mom for letting us be free and not worrying about us.  I'd like to give the same wide berth to Owen and think I do okay most of the time.  One's imagination is a terrible thing to waste.  

Enough remembering.  Joe got Owen a basketball hoop this weekend.  It is Owen's first obsession I think, and he has played ball for hours on end.  I think he's pretty good, although I might just be biased.  He yells, Bingo! when he makes it and, Almost! when he misses.  I think his daddy taught him that.  Here he is.  Enjoy your Tuesday!  And happy spring break for the spring breakers out there.  

Temple Grandin

Well hello there.  Happy Palm Sunday everyone.  Thanks for reading.  I know yesterday's post was a bit indulgent but sometimes I have this powerful urge to share!  





Anyway I was wondering, have you ever seen the HBO movie Temple Grandin?  http://www.hbo.com/movies/temple-grandin/index.html.  I'm sorry, I'm having a hard time with links on here.  I don't know why.  The tagline on the website is:  "Through mentoring and sheer will a young autistic woman succeeds against the odds."  Kind of a bad synopsis for such a powerful film.  I have seen it a couple times now but can't watch it straight through sitting still.  I mean, I have to move around and take breaks because otherwise I would cry and cry and cry.  I'm a sensitive soul and somehow this subject touches a nerve in me.  Check out the trailer and comments from Claire Danes (who I love too).  The supporting cast is incredible and I think it should've won awards or at least maybe people should've heard of it.  So that's it.  Check it out:

Oh Saturday!

Okay, so Joe made it last weekend.  He didn't have a heart attack, and he didn't lose it in his pants.  Thank goodness for that.  I think I would forever look at him differently, even if I wasn't there to witness the debacle. Hooray Joe!  Good job.  What's next?


I also redid this blog layout as you can see.  I am not very web-savvy so I have been working out the kinks day by day.  I think you can leave comments now.  Sorry about that if you couldn't before.  


This week I moved my scrap stuff to an empty cupboard just outside of my bedroom.  I love love love the space and have been able to scrap pretty easily while Owen naps in the afternoon.  I can get everything out in a couple minutes and put it all away just as quickly, which, for those of you who scrap know, is a huge time suck.  So yay for me!  I also got some new stuff from Sassafras (<3) and from my Aunt Beth!  Thanks Aunt Beth!!  You are the coolest.  I love the papers and can't wait to use them.  Don't worry, I'll post them here so you can see them!


Here are two layouts from this week. 

I've also been trying to draw inspiration from blogs and things I see.  You know, sometimes you just feel like doing something new and different.  Sometimes you get stuck in a rut.  So this time my inspiration came from me!  I used to do these magazine collages and combine them with journaling and doodles and stuff, just whatever came into my mind, whatever was at my fingertips.  No thinking about design elements or a color wheel or what other people were doing or even why I was doing it.  I just did it because I loved it.  And it's great to look back through the books.  Like, I remember what it felt like to be in those places again.  So...  you want to come over and see my stuff??  C'mon, it'll be so much fun!!  This is some stuff from a couple books I put together after college.  The stuff from high school is a bit lamer, if you know what I mean.  And it took me forever to put all these pictures on here, so without much explanation, here you go!  Enjoy!  Ask questions if you've got any :)

Tomorrow

No, those aren't bombs being dropped, or fishes swimming by. They are footprints.

Joe's running the Los Angeles Marathon tomorrow, his first and- he claims- last one. I just wanted to wish him luck. May the Vaseline be applied in all the right places honey.

On a more personal note I just watched Up In the Air, one of this year's best picture losers. Have you seen it? What did you think of it? I think the best movies are the ones that stay in your mind the longest. I did really like The Hurt Locker and was thrilled that it won. But I was surprised at this film's quiet honesty. Ugh, as I type that I cringe. But seriously, have you ever felt lonely? And wasn't it specifically just like that? Also the music. Anyway go see it.

Happy weekend to you all. It snowed all day today, all over the sprouting garden, all over the table and chairs on the back deck that my husband just pulled out this week. Why do I still live in Chicago again?? It's a curse I tell you.

Also thanks Frenchie. Nice to be understood without having to explain.

And go Joe!

Credo

Okay. So if we're going to be honest with each other...

I know that in every life there is a cycle. There is an ebb. There is a flow. Sometimes there is more ebb than we want, or more flow than we can handle. I know that everything comes back around eventually.

I know that there is not always a pretty picture for the things we go through. I know that I will not want a scrapbook page to commemorate every day in my life. I know that it is okay to want to leave things out. I know that there are things I will absolutely not be able to handle in a healthy, rational way. I know that my heaviness is someone else's walk in the park. I know that the beauty and heartbreak of life is that it goes by so incredibly fast.

I am looking forward to a lightness of spirit again. I look forward to being happy in the moment. I look forward to sitting very still for a long time and feeling perfectly content with how things are right then. I look forward to not being afraid of the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. I look forward to not worrying about what people will think, from my mother to my in-laws to the stranger reading this blog. (And I love you all, make no mistake about that. Please know it is not easy for me to let others in to my world, let alone the darkest part of my world.)

I am confident that I am valuable, in and of myself. I am confident that my intentions are and always have been honorable and honest. I am confident that I will land on my feet. I am confident that I can still make wise decisions for myself and for those I love. I am confident that I am love-able, both to give love and receive it.

I am ready to take a step forward. I am ready to consider myself as a good enough reason. I am ready to accept my shortcomings and faults. I am ready be strong for myself and for those I love. I am ready to be an adult, and to let youthful or selfish behaviors be in the past. I am ready to be okay with today's version of myself. I am ready to let it all go.

Thanks for reading. Please don't jump to conclusions. I think there are doubts in everyone's minds, and I think it is a positive thing to confront them and let them be a part of who you are. I am not the sunniest person in the world, and I just want to let everyone know that I am okay with that. I know it's not the most interesting of blog topics, and I don't plan to sit here and let this feeling engulf me. But I haven't blogged in a while because I've been in this place. I figure, if I can't be transparent in my blog, then I must be hiding things in my life. And I'm kind of over that. It's way too hard. And that's that.

Well well, look what the cat dragged in

Spring!! Hooray, it's finally here! For a few days anyway. I can't even tell you what a relief it is to be able to walk outside in flip flops and a t-shirt. I waited so long! Here are more signs:

opened some windows


things growing in the garden already


I love you little sprout
I also changed the sheets to regular after having flannel sheets on all winter. I always change them a smidge too early but it just feels so good! I haven't seen any robins yet but my mom has. The birds are going crazy around here. I need to clean out my birdfeeders so we feed something besides squirrels. Seriously I thought I had more signs of spring because I'm just giddy with excitement but looks like this is it. That's okay, I'm high on sunshine right now.

Also I've done a little scrapbooking lately. Here are the results:







Happy warm weather days ahead! And thanks for reading :)

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. They caught me on camera a few years ago and I just realized it. This is like the most fun ever. EVER. Seriously.



Ehrin, do you remember that time we went swing dancing downtown? It was in a park somewhere, and they just set up a random open dance floor. I think you danced with Greg from Houghton Mifflin and I danced with some random guy fifteen years older than me who was super sweaty by the time the song was over. Remember? I know, it totally sounds like a weird dream, but I think it's true! Do people still swing dance...?