Okay, so Joe made it last weekend. He didn't have a heart attack, and he didn't lose it in his pants. Thank goodness for that. I think I would forever look at him differently, even if I wasn't there to witness the debacle. Hooray Joe! Good job. What's next?
I also redid this blog layout as you can see. I am not very web-savvy so I have been working out the kinks day by day. I think you can leave comments now. Sorry about that if you couldn't before.
This week I moved my scrap stuff to an empty cupboard just outside of my bedroom. I love love love the space and have been able to scrap pretty easily while Owen naps in the afternoon. I can get everything out in a couple minutes and put it all away just as quickly, which, for those of you who scrap know, is a huge time suck. So yay for me! I also got some new stuff from Sassafras (<3) and from my Aunt Beth! Thanks Aunt Beth!! You are the coolest. I love the papers and can't wait to use them. Don't worry, I'll post them here so you can see them!
Here are two layouts from this week.
I've also been trying to draw inspiration from blogs and things I see. You know, sometimes you just feel like doing something new and different. Sometimes you get stuck in a rut. So this time my inspiration came from me! I used to do these magazine collages and combine them with journaling and doodles and stuff, just whatever came into my mind, whatever was at my fingertips. No thinking about design elements or a color wheel or what other people were doing or even why I was doing it. I just did it because I loved it. And it's great to look back through the books. Like, I remember what it felt like to be in those places again. So... you want to come over and see my stuff?? C'mon, it'll be so much fun!! This is some stuff from a couple books I put together after college. The stuff from high school is a bit lamer, if you know what I mean. And it took me forever to put all these pictures on here, so without much explanation, here you go! Enjoy! Ask questions if you've got any :)
No, those aren't bombs being dropped, or fishes swimming by. They are footprints.
Joe's running the Los Angeles Marathon tomorrow, his first and- he claims- last one. I just wanted to wish him luck. May the Vaseline be applied in all the right places honey.
On a more personal note I just watched Up In the Air, one of this year's best picture losers. Have you seen it? What did you think of it? I think the best movies are the ones that stay in your mind the longest. I did really like The Hurt Locker and was thrilled that it won. But I was surprised at this film's quiet honesty. Ugh, as I type that I cringe. But seriously, have you ever felt lonely? And wasn't it specifically just like that? Also the music. Anyway go see it.
Happy weekend to you all. It snowed all day today, all over the sprouting garden, all over the table and chairs on the back deck that my husband just pulled out this week. Why do I still live in Chicago again?? It's a curse I tell you.
Also thanks Frenchie. Nice to be understood without having to explain.
And go Joe!
Okay. So if we're going to be honest with each other...
I know that in every life there is a cycle. There is an ebb. There is a flow. Sometimes there is more ebb than we want, or more flow than we can handle. I know that everything comes back around eventually.
I know that there is not always a pretty picture for the things we go through. I know that I will not want a scrapbook page to commemorate every day in my life. I know that it is okay to want to leave things out. I know that there are things I will absolutely not be able to handle in a healthy, rational way. I know that my heaviness is someone else's walk in the park. I know that the beauty and heartbreak of life is that it goes by so incredibly fast.
I am looking forward to a lightness of spirit again. I look forward to being happy in the moment. I look forward to sitting very still for a long time and feeling perfectly content with how things are right then. I look forward to not being afraid of the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. I look forward to not worrying about what people will think, from my mother to my in-laws to the stranger reading this blog. (And I love you all, make no mistake about that. Please know it is not easy for me to let others in to my world, let alone the darkest part of my world.)
I am confident that I am valuable, in and of myself. I am confident that my intentions are and always have been honorable and honest. I am confident that I will land on my feet. I am confident that I can still make wise decisions for myself and for those I love. I am confident that I am love-able, both to give love and receive it.
I am ready to take a step forward. I am ready to consider myself as a good enough reason. I am ready to accept my shortcomings and faults. I am ready be strong for myself and for those I love. I am ready to be an adult, and to let youthful or selfish behaviors be in the past. I am ready to be okay with today's version of myself. I am ready to let it all go.
Thanks for reading. Please don't jump to conclusions. I think there are doubts in everyone's minds, and I think it is a positive thing to confront them and let them be a part of who you are. I am not the sunniest person in the world, and I just want to let everyone know that I am okay with that. I know it's not the most interesting of blog topics, and I don't plan to sit here and let this feeling engulf me. But I haven't blogged in a while because I've been in this place. I figure, if I can't be transparent in my blog, then I must be hiding things in my life. And I'm kind of over that. It's way too hard. And that's that.
So we had a pretty special day around here yesterday/today. Owen turned two! I can hardly believe I am the mom of a two year old. I remember being helpless in the hospital, way too soon, not knowing if he was going to make it or not. It was an amazing, absolutely heart-wrenching time in my life, which began the amazing, absolutely heart-wrenching rest of my life being Owen's mom.
It was a fun day. I tried to do things that the birthday boy would like. We went for a train ride from Wheaton out to Geneva where Joe met us. Owen was a little awe-struck I think.
Our original plan was just to have a cup of coffee at the Caribou to warm up, but we decided to have lunch at a deli across the street. It was a good decision.
After Owen's nap we ate corned beef and cabbage for the Irish folks, and we ate this Elmo cake that I made (I know, can you believe it came out looking this good??) I owe it all to my Aunt Nancy, who is a professional cake maker/decorator. I can't imagine a childhood without her cake scraps! Ah, if she only knew how many times I snuck into her fridge to help myself to frosting...
This is Owen waking up from his nap and beholding his beautiful birthday cake, murmuring, Elmo, Elmo.
This is Owen almost burning his face trying to blow out his candles. You can see Brit thought he was a goner. Then I traumatized him by cutting right into Elmo and serving him up. Mostly Owen just wanted ice cream.
And here he is enjoying his birthday. He got some really great presents from everybody. Thanks everybody! It was great. Also now he won't nap because he has too many fun things to play with. Yeah, thanks everybody.
So I tried to make it special and I hope he remembers his 2nd birthday forever. I had a pretty good time. I'm a horrible party planner/special events coordinator but I think this one went off without a hitch! Happy Monday everyone!
